I should not be allowed on the internet.

So I tried to buy chocolate on the internet a while ago, and this happened:

WorldWideChocolate.com is a terrifying place.  In a good way.

Slitti GranCacao 90% bar.  UliMana truffles (peppermint, nib, and dark).  Lake Champlain bars (80% and peppermint crunch).  Artisan du Chocolat Java 72% bar.  Domori Arriba 70% bar.  El Rey Gran Saman 70% bar.  Chocolat Bonnat Trinite 75% bar.  Patric In-NIB-itable bar.

The Lake Champlain bars were the least fancy, which actually made me like them a lot.  Chocolat Bonnat was unsurprisingly excellent.  They are often found in very large sizes with price tags outsized even for their weight.  It's worth it.  Everything was good, though.  Except my wallet and waistline.

Bottom Line: Be careful when making internet purchases.  It's not safe out there.

Trader Joe's 72%, chocolate covered espresso beans, and chocolate covered cherries

Trader Joe's: people have opinions.  But good news: I love opinions.  And ain't nobody gonna out-opinion me, no sir.

So here's my opinion: nice.

Trader Joe's makes a 72% bar.  It tastes like chocolate.  You know what chocolate is supposed to taste like?  Chocolate.  So let's just consider that a success.  It's sort of like a quality upgrade from the Food Emporium or CIBO Express bar, but it's a similar principle.  Nothing fancy but likely to win plenty of taste tests.

I also got my hands on dark chocolate-covered cherries, which I gave away (cherries are not my thing) and dark chocolate-covered espresso beans, which I should have given away, but instead devoured over two long nights at works, winding up shaking pretty noticeably for about a week straight.  Remember that I have only recently come to tolerate coffee and chocolate, so this was a pretty intense experience.  But I'll say this: I ate them all, and I wasn't complaining.

Bottom Line: There is a reason the lines are so long.  It's for the chocolate.  Right?

Xocolat 70% "Cats' Tongues" and Sachsische Schokoladenmanufaktur Marcus Schurer 72%

My parents were in Europe and did right by me:

The Xocolat-brand "Cats' Tongues" were delicious.  They were very chocolatey -- almost definitely entirely West African.  Nothing fancy.  Almost candy-esque.  But real 70% chocolate.  I approve.

The Marcus Schurer 72% bar was a bit more adult.  It had some earthy tones to it, which I enjoyed.  I don't know why, but I had a mild preference for the cats' tongues.  But both were great.

Bottom Line: I may need to investigate the German chocolate scene -- clearly they are doing something right.

LaGuardia Airport Cibo Express: Pure Organic Chocolate Brownie and Cibo Express 72% by OTG

I was at LaGuardia, and I was hungry.  And bored.  I got these:

So the Pure Organnic protein bar is ok.  It's never going to compete with a chocolate bar.  It's mostly dates, and some walnuts.  It's pretty chocolatey, but the idea is that this is "real food."  Well, for me at least.  As far as that goes, it passes.

The Cibo Express-branded, OTG-manufactured bar of 72% chocolate was suprisingly good.  It was very unfancy, but it was "real" chocolate -- just chocolate, sugar, soy lecithin, and vanilla.  It was obviously made from West African beans, because there were no complicated flavor notes.  But my dear readers know that this is no problem for me, because a rich chocolatey taste was all I ever really wanted.

Bottom Line: This is how you keep your promise to your mother to eat a meal before dessert while keeping your promise to yourself to eat nothing but chocolate.  While at the airport.

Chocolate at Belmont: featuring Noi Sirius 45%, Wild Ophelia Southern Hibiscus Peach, Patric "Columbia Art Bar" 70%, Jelina Chocolatier "Noir Dark" 72%, and Theo Almond Sea Salt

I went to the Belmont Stakes a while ago, and obviously I brought chocolate.  And obviously my friends did too.

Here is one chocolate:

I've never been much of a fan of nuts in my chocolate.  I honestly did not particularly appreciate the almonds in this bar.  But I must say that I didn't really mind them too much.  The chocolate was really excellent -- Theo always does a great job -- and the nuts were unobtrusive.  The chocolateyness, as always, was key.

The biggest disappointed was the Noi Sirius 45% bar.  Especially because I love Noi Sirius.  Really, it was my fault.  I saw 45% and expected milk chocolate.  I tend to prefer dark to milk, but sometimes I am in the mood for milk chocolate.  But here's the thing: 45% dark chocolate is way too sweet.  As someone used to 90%+, this was difficult for me to eat in the way I imagine my high-percentage bars are difficult for the lay chocolate eater.

I did manage to succeed in getting one bar of milk chocolate: The Wild Ophelia Southern Hibiscus Peach bar.  

It was 41% chocolate -- almost as much cacao as in the Noi Sirius -- but with the milk and peach, it had way less sugar.  The peach was honestly a bit too subtle -- which may have been a blessing as this was a weird experiment -- but the bar was delicious, and we wolfed it down in about 5 seconds.

Next came the Patric Columbia Art Bar, which was just a 70% dark chocolate bar with a fancy name.

This was a solid chocolate bar -- definitely recommended -- but not as good as the Mint OMG.

Last, we went with the Jelina Chocolatier "Noir Dark" 72%.  I am always dubious of companies that use high-percentage sounding names for mid-percentage bars.  But good thing I did not prejudge here.

This was probably the best bar of the bunch, at least in my opinion.  It was not too fancy, but had a nice rich taste.  I look forward to trying more Jelina-brand bars in the future!

Bottom Line: This might not sound like the most successful haul, but if you knew how badly I did at the race track, you'd see how this was sort of the highlight of my afternoon.

Chocolate Room: featuring Chocopologie by Knipschildt Chocolatier "Rosewater" and Cacao Prieto 72%

I snagged two bars last time I was at the Chocolate Room.  Both were excellent.

Cacao Prieto is based in Red Hook, and they use only Crillollo beans from the Dominican Republic.  Their 72% bar had all the complexity one expects from crillollo beans and the good chocolatey taste from the DR. A very nice combo.

The Rosewater-flavored "Chocopologie by Knipschildt" bar was also delicious.  The rosewater is subtle, despite the bright red coloring on the bar, and it adds a nice flavor for those who like it.

Bottom Line: The Chocolate Room is amazing both for the desserts it makes and the stock of chocolate it carries.

Treehaus again: Fine & Raw 83% with nibs, Nibmor "Daily Dose" 72% mint + nibs

Treehaus continues to be my primary provider of chocolate bars, given its selection and proximity to my office.  On a recent trip I picked up a Fine & Raw 83% & nibs bar:

Leila recently reviewed the Blueberry bar and really liked it.  I had a similarly good experience with the 83% & nibs.  I tend not to prefer raw, but this was really excellent.  Also pretty:

I have reviewed NibMor twice before, to good and bad results.  The NibMor 72% & nibs was also really good:

It might not be the #1 mint bar around, but especially as a nice $1 bite, it really hits the spot for getting that chocolate & mint flavor without being overwhelmed.

Bottom Line: Two more successes with two brands we already liked.

The Offerings in Nairobi

I lived in Nairobi for the month of January, and the chocolate pickings were slim.  So slim that my friend Annie imported this Frango stuff:

 

And actually devoured it:

It wasn't bad, but certainly not import-worthy.  But in comparison to what was available locally, Guylian-aside, I can't say I really blamed her.

In addition to Guylian were Guylian knock-offs, branded "Beglian."

They actually weren't terrible.  I mean, they were chocolate.  They had vanillin, but they were relatively legit.  Can't say I would pick one up if I had other options.

There were these Beacon-branded mint things.  Er... "thins":

 

Also edible, but they were no Thin Mints.  Heck, they were no peppermint patties.

Also these "bon bon chocolates":

I still don't know what it was, but it was awful.

One time, there was one of these bars at Nakumatt:

Not only was it fancy looking, but it had arrived in Nairobi within 3 years of its production, which honestly impressed me.  That said, the bar didn't.  It was too fruity.  Sorry "Chocolat Stella, original Swiss chocolate."

Bottom Line:  It's not like you're going to Nairobi for the chocolate, so come prepared with your own stash.

Guylian

This blog has had a lot of discussion about our favorite candy.  Well, since childhood, this has been my pick:

It's surprising, because I'm normally a purist, but it's not TOO surprising, because it's extremely delicious.  And those Belgians really do know how to do hazelnut praline.

 

So I think over the years, Guylian has cut out the partially hydrogenated oils from this product.  I remember that being a leading ingredient when I was younger, but now the most unnatural thing seems to be vanillin.  Honestly, though, I don't even care what's in it, which is what makes it candy.  It is simply DELICIOUS.

 

 

I spent a month in Nairobi, and the pickings there were unsurprisingly slim.  But the Nakumatt -- think East African Walmart -- carried Guylian's, so I was safe.  They even had a decent dark chocolate bar -- unlike the sugarfree ones they offer in the US.  This is what I survived on when I was running out of my last fancy European bars and then a dog ate the remainder.

Bottom Line:  David's vote for best candy.

The Meadow Tasting #3: Askinosie 72% Tanzania

Askinosie is the brand of chocolate used in Fresco's gelato.  Leila and I both like African chocolate more than the average chocolate lover, because it has a more traditionally "chocolatey" taste.  But, while we both liked this bar, neither of us was blown away.  

I didn't mind the hints of fruitiness, because the usually-associated acidic aftertaste was not attached.  It was almost like a suspenseful ride with a pleasantly surprising ending.

The letters on each square spell out "Askinosie Chocolate" -- Nice!

Overall, as Leila points out, the bar was smooth and mellow, going down extremely easily.  But as she, says, "Almost too easily, in fact."  The quality was high, but it did not stand out among 5 other very interesting bars that we tasted.

Bottom Line:  High quality, easy to eat chocolate, but nothing groundbreaking.